Choosing to write in the midst of the wait.

Life really is a waiting game I’ve discovered through the years. Be it for the guy I like to ask me on a date, or for exam results or a call from the doctor to tell you that those tests came back clear. Waiting for the apology of a dear friend who wronged me, to the wait for the pain of not receiving it to fade. No matter what stage of life I have been in, I have been waiting for something.

As I look back at those times of the wait, I see I always had a choice, to let the darkness hold me, or to cling to hope. Hope that makes the heart hurt, that cries out ‘I trust you God’ rather than ‘yes but when’. Hope that tells you that despite the darkness, dawn is coming, that in the quiet deep dark beauty is growing.

I sat with a friend yesterday and I ached from the pain of being stuck in a deep dark waiting time, from being held by darkness instead of holding onto hope. And as I listened to her gentle words of wisdom I realised that I could either choose to keep hurting or I could choose to seek God goodness for my life in the midst of it all.

She joked that I start a blog and call it ‘the waiting woman’, and we laughed over the thought but as I cycled home I felt that still small voice say “and here is how you heal”. I lay in bed that night and I wept for the moments of entering God’s presence and being held by him that I had lost from failing to choose Him instead of the echoing silence of dark waiting. And as I repented of those failed choices, the words I now write came to me.

I made the choice in that moment that in these days of waiting, as I sit and watch life continue unchanged and question; ‘God do you even have a plan’, I would seek the glimpses of his grace and his goodness to an ever waiting child, glimpses that speak of a never failing, never faltering, perfectly in control God who is all about what grows in the darkness and the depths of our tiny waiting hearts.

I hope that these small pieces of his heart will give you too the courage and to keep running the marathon of life with its ups and downs and its relentless waiting, that they will give your weary hands the strength to cling hard to the hope that overcomes the darkness, and to trust in the God who loves you. 

With love,
Megan

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