An utter sense of discontentment.
That is what my heart feels right now, this is the sorrow that weighs me down. I’ve got 18 weeks left of university, that’s 126 days or 3024 hours, all I want to do is to tick off that final day, to put a red cross through my calendar that says ‘no more’. I want to race through those 18 weeks, to hand in my essays, grab my cap and gown and walk across that stage to collect my degree.
But I can’t. I can’t fast forward time or wish away the days. I can’t change the fact that I have 18 weeks left, but I can choose to use them for God’s glory. I have 18 weeks of influence in 30 people’s lives, 18 weeks to be a prayer warrior for my university, 18 weeks to sow Gospel seeds in my friends hearts, 18 short weeks to show Jesus to people on my campus.
When will I ever have another opportunity for those things? When will I have moments to seek God for these specific people? Or have hours of freedom to spend in His presence?
I’ve let my heart of discontentment stop me from bringing the Kingdom of God onto my campus, stopped God using me for his glory. I’ve let my own selfish desire for a happy, content, comfortable life get in the way of letting God work through me.
I don’t ever want to look back and say that I limited God’s ability to use me for his glory because I put myself above Him, because I was dissatisfied with where He had placed me, and the season I was in.
There will often be circumstances in our lives that makes us feel discontent, that we wish we could fast forward through or escape from into something else, we long for new chapters. But the fact is that each chapter is part of a story that cannot be rewritten. This chapter of discontent is just a few short pages in the story of God’s plan and purpose for my life. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to adventure with God because I was too busy wanting the next one. I don’t want to miss chances to seek Him, to know Him more, to bring His presence into the lives of people around me.
I’ve wasted too much of this chapter longing for the next, don’t waste the chapter that you are in. Don’t long for what is yet to come but rather long for the God to break in right now, to see people’s lives transformed by God’s grace to a messed up people, long for seeds to be sown and a harvest to be reaped, long for moments to be salt and light, to stand and shine for others to see. It’s a heart choice to move from wishing for the next to worshiping in the now, and it’s not an easy one. But I pray that just as I am learning what that looks like day to day that you would too.